Less than a Week

We have less than a week before we put our host son on a plane back to Ukraine.  I really don't want to talk about it, but I must prepare for it.  Many of you have asked if there is anything else we need, so I made an updated list.  I left the full list and just struck through the items already donated because I wanted you all to see how blessed we've been.  There were a total of 4 items that we purchased ourselves.  My sincerest gratitude to all of you who helped us along in this!  I was telling the cashier at the grocery store this week, that we have spent more on groceries this month than we did on our mortgage!  But thanks to the many kind souls that donated gift cards and money, we didn't break the bank ;) 

A Little Brag

We've been working with Roman on his anger management skills.  We talked with a translator about how all families fight and everyone gets angry, but how we choose to handle it makes a big difference.  We tried to give him some healthy options for managing his anger and frustration.  He has done so well!!  He put all of our suggestions to use and will come tell me when he needs some space.  He has also learned to forgive more quickly.  I am so proud of him!  This week we are working on sportsmanship.  He is so competitive!  Bless his heart.  But it's really hard on L.J.  I almost just let it go, but decided while on the phone with a Russian-speaking friend to address it.  He said he would try, but he really likes to win ;)  Welcome to the club, buddy!  But, I've already noticed a difference.  And I am so proud of how hard he is working.
I need to brag a little on my crew as well.  L.J. has been so generous, sharing practically everything he has.  Roman wanted one of his stuffed animals, but I told him that we would need to ask L.J. first.  L.J. took several days to decide and I made sure he understood that he would not be "loaning" it.  Finally today he decided that Roman could take it back to Ukraine with him.  I am so proud of him.
Finally, I need your prayers during this last week.  He's pointed to the calendar several times and made a sad face and said, "bye-bye".  Y'all this is killing me.  I am trying to keep it together, for his sake, but more often than not I suck at that.  He starts patting my back saying, "it's okay, it's okay".  Yup, I'm awful.  So, like I said, please pray.  Pray for the time we have left, pray for our departure day (next Thursday), and pray for my kids.  It tears me up that poor Gabe is going to lose one of favorite people in the world and I have no way of preparing him for it.  Sad Mommy time :(  Thanks everyone!

Musician in the Making?

I knew that Roman wanted to learn how to play guitar and even had a friend let us borrow one, but it somehow just never made it onto our agenda.  Until today.  He is so tickled with himself and I think he demonstrates an amazing amount of potential.  For someone who has never had a lesson in his life, I think it sounds beautiful!  But maybe that's just because of the way he smiles when he plays and all I hear is my own little love song. 

Have Some Good News to Share!!!

So excited to share this with you!  Thank you all so much for praying with us!  Please remember that you MUST NOT mention this to Roman.  But please continue to pray for all of us!!

Read the story here: Giving a Child a Place to Call Home

Some Days It's a Struggle

I think it's been over a week since I last blogged.  Part of the reason is because I've been so completely worn out by the end of day, which lately has been later and later.  The other reason is because I'm really not sure what to say.  I don't want to sound like I am complaining or that Roman is a "bad" kid, but some days are just really hard!  Most of Roman's social skills are counter-productive and self-serving.  I find it difficult to remain patient and gracious when he is so demanding and selfish.  We are working hard on manners and forgiveness, but it is work and we are not always successful.  I try to remember that he just does not know any better.  I know God has called us to this mission and I know He will work in us and through us, but it is hard not to get discouraged some days.  On a more hopeful note, he does really well with sharing.  There are very few things that he won't offer to share, even without being asked.  He is also a little homesick, he misses his friends and his country.  I think that is all very reasonable and understandable.  We did have a friend come over and translate for us so he would understand that all families fight and have problems, but we also love and forgive.  We explained that he would probably be upset again, but if he lost his temper, there would be consequences.  We explained the consequences and that he should apologize.  He understood and explained a few feelings he was having, which is definite progress.  Please pray with us!

Prayer Requests:

• that he would learn to trust us
• that he would learn mercy and kindness
• that we would have love abundantly

Lake Day

Last Sunday we went to the Grack's for a day at the Lake with some other host families.  We all had a great time.  We ate, played ball, swam, and went out on the speed boat.  Items of note: we went all the way to Salisbury to get my parents boat, only to find that it wouldn't run :(  Turns out when my Mom took it to the shop, one of the pontoons was almost full of water.  Such a blessing that it wouldn't run that day!  Also, I have never been on a speedboat and in all likelihood will never be on one again.  I haven't screamed that much since I gave birth!  Actually that's an exaggeration, I didn't scream that much giving birth.  But, Roman and the chaperones, Olga & Ivita, thought it was hysterical!  It was nice to be able to talk with them also.  Ivita's English is pretty good, but Olga probably knows as much English as I know Russian.  But she did give me an "A" for effort, while trying to communicate with her and Roman.  It was very nice to be able to spend some time with the other host families as well, to share stories and strategies, to encourage one another.  So a big "Thank You" to the Grack's for hosting and to all the other host families for making it such a wonderful day!  By the time we got the boat back to my Mom's and then made it home it was almost midnight (OUCH!).  Made for a bumpy Monday, but we'd do it all over again if we could!

Racing!

 If there is one thing I've learned about Roman, its that he LOVES fast cars.  My brother had the wonderful idea to take him to The Pit in Mooresville.  He had a blast!  We hope to make it back one more time before he has to go back to Ukraine.

Finally Some Perspective

For days now we've been in the throws of boundary testing, lots of pouting and sulking.  I've been having such a hard time with it.  I began doubting my parenting abilities, my sanity, my calling .. I had no confidence in what we were doing.  A couple of things happened today that have really helped.  First, the Lord graciously reminded me that this is His plan for our lives and I am to be obedient in the good and the bad, the easy and the hard.  I've been so focused on behavior modifications and language barriers that I had forgotten that this is first and foremost a mission.  Second, I talked with some other host Moms that had some really wonderful insight and some kind words of wisdom.  Third, I waited.  Most of you know, this is not my strong suit.  I prefer to run at things full speed.  If there is an issue, we air it out and deal with it.  But Roman does not have the same conflict resolution skills.  So I waited for him to decide it was time.  He doesn't get to be in control of much, but he is allowed the dignity to process his emotions in his own time.  This is hard for me, I really have to fight the urge to try to make him talk to me.  About half way through the day today I could tell he was starting to come around, so I took advantage and used that time to reassure him.  He was a little uneasy when John got home, but the first thing John said when he got home was, "come here boy I didn't get my hug this morning!" and all was well.  We went to church tonight and he helped us prepare for VBS next week.  He loves being at church with us.  I am so happy that our church family has been so kind to him and welcomed him in as one of their own.  He seems to feel very safe there and I can't tell you how wonderful that makes me feel!  Tonight we tried something new with our devotion/prayer time.  We got Roman's Russian/English parallel Bible out and found the passage for him to follow along while John read the story to our kids.  It went so much better, I can't believe we didn't think of doing it sooner!  I wish I could mention all the people by name that have helped us so far, but I want you to know that I am so, so grateful that so many of you have chosen to participate in this mission with us.  We have been given clothes, shoes, groceries, garden goodies, gift cards, and money.  But most of all you have shared your love, thank you!

Prayer requests:

• Continued prayers for wisdom & discernment
• for Roman to learn to trust us to love him, nurture him, & forgive him
• for Roman and Olivia Jane - they struggle the most with not understanding each other
• for our Russian/Roman's English

Sharing

We are still in the throws of a LOT of boundary testing, so please continue to pray for all of us.  I do want to share a very sweet moment though.  Roman and I went to the grocery store on Friday and while we were there we picked out a book for each of the kids.  Roman got he and L.J. matching Pokemon books.  L.J. has practically slept with his since.  Well last night, Roman took L.J. over to the computer and told him, "I give you".  I don't know why he chose to give L.J. both books, but we were all so amazed!  He really enjoys our times at church also.  Our friend, Alex came with us today to translate and answer any questions he had.  We have a busy week ahead of us so I hope I can keep up.  Many thanks to my brother & Tiffany, Linda, & Donna for all the help with clothes and shoes. 

So blessed

New sunglasses!  He's so cool!

Today was such a good day!  Today was a Nana day.  I love Nana days.  For those of you new to my world, Nana days are when Nana comes to my house and watches ALL my kids so that I can run errands in peace or grab lunch with a friend.  Today was a little different, since Roman would need to stay with me, but it was still very nice!!  Before Nana arrived though, Roman and I went over the schedule for our day and I must say I think that really helped him.  Certainly it must be unsettling to never know what is going on or what is coming next, so I hope to do this with him from now on.  After Nana arrived, Roman and I met up with my Mom for lunch and then got his haircut.  Before we went home we had to stop at the grocery store (yes, AGAIN)!  I thought grocery shopping with small kids was tough, but with a 15 yr. old, holy cow.  My hats off to all you Mamas out there that are already in the throws of this stage.  It was good for both of us to have some time to spend together without interruptions.  He loves to laugh and to make me laugh.  He did very well when I explained, as best I could, that we would not be buying certain things, because they are not healthy.  We got home and he unloaded the groceries, all by himself, without being asked and helped me put them away!  I am so proud of him!!  We were finally able to get in touch with a friend to help us translate a few things that I hope will help, mostly issues with cultural manners.  I went to check the mail and found an anonymous gift card to Harris Teeter.  Thank you!  Thank you!  Thank you!!!  I appreciate the help, but am so encouraged to know that we are not in this alone!  Your prayers and encouragement are vital!  Thank you, so, so much!  We have our first meeting with the folks from NHFC tomorrow at the park and I'm looking forward to seeing the other families and the chaperones! 

Prayer requests:

• wisdom in setting and enforcing boundaries
• that he would be more and more open to receiving love
• the language barrier
• please keep praying for his "forever family"

Testing, testing, and more testing ...

a pick-up soccer game with the kids!

I’ve hesitated to write much the past few days.  Week two is apparently all about testing boundaries.  The language barrier is really tough when you are trying to communicate subtleties.  I want so desperately to tell him how proud I am of him and how well he is doing.  Of course, I also want to say, “for the love, child, please stop slamming every door in the house!”  To celebrate the 4^th, we went to the pool in the morning (many thanks to Ms. Dawn!!)  and then to a cookout that evening.  We all had a blast at the pool.  Roman must be part fish, he loves to swim and dive and play squirt guns and float and swim some more!  L.J. learned to dive (with a mask on), Bailey learned to swim (with her floaties on), and Olivia must’ve drug Ms. Dawn around 50 laps in the shallow end “practicing” her swimming.  Gabe loved the water, but possibly Ms. Dawn’s chocolate cookies more ;)  We went home and took a quick power nap, then headed for our SS cookout.  We have some good friends that speak fluent Russian that were there as well.  It was nice to be able to communicate with Roman without the language barrier.  One of the sweetest things that has happened so far, is when he kept asking when we were going to go home so, I asked him if he was bored or tired.  He said he didn’t understand the question, so I said why do you want to go home?  He looked at me like I was crazy and said, “because it’s home and I like it there.”  I know it sounds silly, but I really needed to hear that!  Today felt like a marathon of testing, both from Roman and the rest of my brood, so to say that I’m exhausted would be an understatement!  But God has been faithful to carry us through.  Please continue to pray with us!!

So tired!

Driving Uncle Kenny's lawn mower!!

Sorry y'all, I am beat.  He's been asking to drive my car for 2 days.  I keep telling him no, but he keeps asking.  Hoping this helps ;)  He and L.J. did much better today too!  They played way too much Mario Kart!  But Roman was letting L.J. win some too, which is very sweet of him.  Roman got to meet my brother and sister-in-law at dinner tonight.  He finally got the headaches everyone has been warning me about, so Tiffany went and picked him up some ibuprofen.  He actually got back out of the van to go hug them as we were leaving, which was really surprising, but very heart-warming!  Keep praying!!

Breakthrough!

I wish I knew what happened, what changed, but I’m so happy it did.  Yesterday was the first morning Roman actually slept in, we had to wake him up to get ready for church.  I was a little skittish about how he would react to church, but really excited about introducing him to our church family.  He did really well, was very quiet and a little bored, but he was respectful and that is all I can ask.  When we got home some new friends met us at the house to bring us a Russian/English parallel Bible.  They were such a blessing!!  Tanya and her husband both speak Russian, so it was nice to be able to ask Roman a few things directly and get a reliable translation.  We came inside, ate lunch, and put the kids down for naps.  That’s when it happened, he went and picked up his English cards and brought them to me.  We practiced English/Russian for over an hour.  He laughed at my Russian, a LOT!  He laughed, y’all, I mean really full belly laughed.  I was so scared to get off the couch, to do anything else, that it might scare him back into his shell.  But once the kids were up, there was no choice.  Amazingly, he didn’t.  He continued to effervesce!  It was truly wonderful.  Of course, one of the first English things he said that we could understand was “oh, sh*t”.  John and I stopped and did a double take and then he said it again (playing Mario Kart), so we had to explain to him that is not appropriate.  We had to try really hard not to laugh because it’s just so funny with his accent.  He continued to play and talk and joke.  I wish I could explain just how tickled we are with this little breakthrough.  Now I know there will still be issues that come up, but for now I will rejoice in this victory and I hope that you will celebrate with us!  

Prayer requests:

• We really want to take him to the beach while he’s here.  Please pray for the Lord’s provision, because I’m pretty sure my food budget is going to double while he’s here.  We still have a huge need for clothes, as well.
• Pray for the kids, especially L.J.  He is used to being the oldest and therefore having privileges the others do not.  Now the shoe is on the other foot and he’s feeling a little lost.  John and I are both talking with him a lot and assuring him that he will always be our first born and that our love for him never changes.
• Pray that John and I remember to devote ourselves first to God, then to one another, and then to our kids – this is harder than it sounds.
• Pray that Gabe would sleep again!  I know this sounds silly, but sleep deprivation takes its toll on a Momma.
• Pray for our language skills, my Russian and his English.
• Pray for wisdom and discernment.